Category Archives: Adoption

To everyone who’s hurting..

Posted on by
1
(title is the first line of the lyrics of “Hold Fast”, the song this blog was named after)
My secret confession is that I dreamed that in 3 years he and I would get on a plane and make the long flight to Vladimir again. I dreamed of Vita and Ilya picking us up at the airport and driving all the way to that sweet hilltop town that gave me my daughter. I dreamed that we’d perhaps go to the baby house she spent her first 18 months at and find the last piece of our puzzle. I imagine him having dark hair and big dark eyes – maybe a little Roma in him since his own country would reject him for that. His eyes would hold the same despair with the same hint of sparkle that Sweet Girl’s did. I had selfish hopes that he’d be very young, 12 months or so, so I could cuddle a little squishy again. I tossed around names for him –  imagining what his Russian name might be. Would he be a Max? Or a Sasha? We have been so blessed with how well Sweet Girl has adapted to being loved and to being in a family that my heart ached to show this love to another child. To have the last missing piece of our hearts in our arms.
Then, on January 1, 2013, the unspeakable happened. Russia has banned US adoptions. For over 6 weeks I have cried with my friends who were in process, and those who already had little Ruski’s home about the tragedy of this decision. All those sad little eyes in all those pictures are now lost. Some of these mommies and daddies met these babies and held them in their arms. They whispered prayers for easy transitions and whispered love and hope into those little faces. They cried ugly tears at having to leaving knowing a court date could be months away. I know those ugly tears. These families are now grieving the child they have lost while simultaneously praying for a miracle. I don’t know that pain.
For other mommies and daddies it’s a different kind of pain. The looked into the eyes of a picture and dropped everything to gather the paperwork and raise the money. Some were days away from finally getting to hold these sweet babies in their arms. I know that longing. Now, they are left with pictures of a child they never got to meet.  I don’t know that pain. I mourn for them. I mourn that they won’t get to see the light glisten in their little Russian’s eyes when they know they are loved.
My dream was so far off that it almost seemed selfish to think about it when for so many others the pain was so current, so now, so fierce. I am mourning the loss of a dream, they are mourning the loss of a child. So, for 6 weeks people have said to me, “I’m so thankful you got her out because look what happened now!” I instantly imagine my brave little Russian trusting these two strangers with her whole heart. I imagine her climbing into that car with us and driving off into the dark night while the only family she’s ever known lay sleeping in their rows of beds. I still don’t know what to say. I usually mumble something about being very blessed while also mentioning the thousands of children left behind. It is impossible to celebrate her getting out while not also imaging the little faces who won’t.
I don’t even know how to advocate anymore for orphans. I know there are millions of them around the world in other countries, but my heart is still in Russia. I can’t show you pictures of these little faces and ask for help with their ransoms. I can’t encourage my friends to start this journey. I can’t scour the blogs new families travelling to our region and relive it through them. I can’t even think about the other lives affected without losing it. Our sweet Vita now has no job. Our trusty Ilya is left looking for other work rather than ferry American families around Vladimir. The people at the agencies, the people at the embassy’s, the social workers – there are so many lives and families affected.
So please don’t tell me how lucky we are. We have a sweet little red headed light who brings us so much joy, but we are grieving and mourning all the other little faces that might never come home. My friends, my sisters, are grieving the loss of their children. I am grieving the loss of the dream of my little boy. Nothing about this is lucky. Nothing about this is fair. Nothing about this feels like God’s plan.
Once you have seen, you cannot unsee.
These are pictures of some of the babies my friends are mourning right now. Please keep these families in your prayers. There are hundreds of other babies who don’t have families fighting for them either who are now lost.
and this sweet little one shares a Russian name with our sweet girl 🙂
To address some comments I’m likely to get.
– We are still fervently praying that Russia will reverse the ban. This will not be enough for the children who will die from lack of care in orphanages and age out of the system due to the time we have lost. There are also hoards of people giving up on these kids and giving up on Russia who might never go back for them
– I know there are plenty of other kids available for adoption. Once you have adopted one, then you can tell me or them to just pick another kid. Until then, let us grieve.
Advertisement

3 months home

Posted on by
Reply







Sweet Girl has been home officially 3 months now – we can hardly believe it! Seems like it has been much longer, not only from our perspective of adjusting to being new parents again, but she has been picking up things at a phenomenal pace and I forgot just how little time she’s spent here. Mama got the same stickers we used to chronicle the girls first 12 months of life to chronicle Sweet Girl’s first 12 months home. Unfortunately, life has been so busy, blogging Sweet Girl’s progress has been difficult to say the least. I don’t know if we’ll ever catch up, but we hope to do better in filling everyone in. You might even see a few posts I started from a month or two ago pop up out of chronological order.
Now 3 months home, Sweet Girl is understanding almost 100% of our instructions in English. She is speaking a version of Rusglish.. Russian with English nouns and adjectives scattered in. Its sometimes difficult to decipher whether she’s speaking English or Russian. She is learning more and more everyday and it often only takes her a single time hearing something before she’s repeating it again. She is completely comfortable in our house and with the twins. She continually wants to help with her sisters, whether its with bath time, unbuckling them from their car seats, or giving them food. She sometimes tries to take on a disciplinarian role with them which we try not to encourage.
Words she’s saying in English include:
i love you
Jesus
more
all done
mama
papa
Cranky
Happy
teacher
school
Lollyhop (bunny at school)
french fries
soup
chicken
macaroni and cheese
apple
orange
banana
yogurt
chocolate
ipad
water
juice
milk
please
thank you
car
bath
shampoo
monkey
doggie
kitty cat
shirt
pants
shoes
jammies
icky
oops
mess
baby/babies
hit
house
next
careful
dangerous
one
two
three
four
five (and counts them)
she can spell the letters of her name
and tons more I’m sure I’ll remember later!She’s doing an excellent job of stringing things together including “lollyhop school” and “more apple please”. And when it relates to tattling on her sisters she’s excellent at “mama babies no please” and “papa cranky no my room”In the interest of getting the update out, heres some random pics with no organization! Most are of her first day at school!



 

 

1 Month Home

Posted on by
Reply
(posted by him)
Its been 4 weeks… almost a full month… since Sweet Girl came home. This past week was the first of a new month, meaning busy time for mama at work, the first one we’ve encountered since she’s been home. As so, with the exception of Monday, the rest of the week was mine to spend with Sweet GIrl and I would say this week was slightly different than those previous… more so characterized by testing of boundaries.Monday was the only day I went to work. The act of me leaving with the twins is perhaps the most difficult thing for her to deal with. When she sees her sisters getting ready and going down to the car with papa, the tears are inevitable. She will throw her arms around my waist and beg me not to go. After prying her off, mama is left with a 30-45 minute unconsolable sobbing. We have learned that this can be eased by allowing her to get fully dressed alongside her sisters and sometimes going for a short car ride just to get out the house. While we think she is mostly upset by me leaving and not being sure when/if I’ll return, there seems to be part of her that simply wants to get out of the house.

The remainder of the week was my turn. Since the twins normally accompany me to work, on days where I don’t work, we’ve worked out the arrangement where mama leaves early and drives an hour and half out of her way to drop them off at school and in the afternoon, Sweet GIrl and I load up in the car and do the same drive to fetch her sisters. While very inconvenient for everyone, we feel it is necessary for the girls to see their friends at school and us be able to focus our attention on Sweet GIrl during the day. She does struggle the same with her mama leaving in the morning, but to a lesser degree than papa. By the time the afternoon gets here, I get several questions that infer as “where is mama?” And by the time the afternoon gets here, she is very excited and rides very well to go get her sisters. She becomes instantly excited when we pull up to their school but is still very shy inside around all their friends and teachers. On the ride home, since she sits forward facing in between her two sisters who are still rear facing, she’s constantly talking to them and passing things to them. When we finally get home, there is a made dash of children excited to see their mama… Cranky is now competing with Sweet Girl on who gets to be held/hugged until the table is set for dinner.

I started this post off with this week was different, characterized by more testing of boundaries, and that has come in the form of sleep. This week, I have instantly become unsuccessful in getting her to take her afternoon nap. We’ll get changed into our pj’s and into the bed and I’ll settle down on the floor of her room like I always do, but she now instantly tries to sit up/stand up, talk, and whatever else to remain awake. When I lay her back down and place the covers over her, she becomes upset and latches on with a tight bear hug. Breaking this bear hug causes instant sobbing. No longer will remaining in her room within line of sight eventually result into napping. We sat in total darkness for over an hour sobbing before eventually giving up. We haven’t been too worried as at 4.5yrs old, she is really at an age where naps are becoming optional, and since we’ve spent so much time in the car, she usually gets a solid 45 minutes there anyway, but she was such a good napper just a week ago, its like the switch just flipped. But this may also do with her attachment to papa, as mama was able to make her nap this weekend where I haven’t been. But her bedtime routine has also suffered from more sobbing and extended time trying to get to sleep, but mama is always able to work her magic and once asleep, she has remained pretty steady in staying asleep until around 7:00am, so for that, we are thankful.

We also concentrated on having our 2nd and 3rd sessions with our student translator. The first visit was characterized by head down, almost sobbing, these recent visits she has become accustomed to him in the room where she will play and resume her normal business largely ignoring him. But while she doesn’t typically respond, she does understand and acknowledge what he says to her. Also, he’s been able to catch some of her chatter and while not in direct response to his questions, he is able to understand most of what she is saying. One misconception I’ve witnessed is just putting someone who speaks and understands Russian in front of her, doesn’t immediately establish communication. Just like with any unfamiliar English speaking person, she is shy, reserved, and closed off first… just because they know her language, doesn’t change her reaction to new people. However, I’ve found if we’re able to spend time and take the focus away from her, she’ll eventually start to open up. But we feel no one outside our home gets to witness her true rambunctious, chatty nature that we experience every night… but this will only come with time.

As for everything else, our expectations are exceeded on a daily basis. She has become completely comfortable with Cranky and Happy and we have not had a single fallout between them as I was prepared for. She loves to do things for her sisters, hand them their bottles, help with bath time, even tries to instruct them to do things in Russian. Happy loves having someone to chase around and Cranky remains fascinated by what her big sister is up to. Bath time continues to be an all time favorite and potty time is no trouble. Eating continues to be hit or miss depending on the food choices, but largely we have no problem getting food into her. We’ve had no more breakdowns over communication or lack of understanding each other for several weeks now. She’s picked up a handful of English words, even used her first English word “hot” in context last week. She is also intrigued by learning the alphabet and the alphabet song and will sing and pronounce the letters along with her various toys that do so. Her favorite letters are the beginning of her name “C” and “A” and she struggles the most with “W”. Perhaps what I’m most amazed with is her ability to soak of new things so easily. She only needs to see you try something once before she’s repeating it, and thats without language involved. It just further reiterates how amazing and smart she is and only needs to be given the opportunity and she will flourish.

2 Weeks Home

Posted on by
3

Now that Sweet Girl is home we can be a little more open about the procedure. For all those coming here as a resource about adoption, Sweet Girl is from Vladimir, Russia. All posts about being in region reference Vladimir and all posts about the capital reference Moscow.

I hope to keep the blog up but transition it into a journal of our family and Sweet Girl’s place in our lives! So with that, here’s an update on what we’ve been up to!

Ten things I didn’t expect in our first two weeks home:

1. Cranky and Happy to not bat an eye as Sweet Girl has seamlessly taken her place as the big sister. The interactions between all three girls are genuinely sweet and caring. There has been very little issue over toys, attention, etc.

2. In Moscow, Sweet Girl slept on a pallet next to the bed with us. Here, we have her on a little cot next to our bed. In Moscow, Sweet Girl slept 8p – 8a without issues. At home, when she wakes, she’s up. This has been from 3a – 8a. Our hopes of getting her into her own room at night after a couple of days have turned into we hope we can get her into her own room by Christmas.

3. All 3 girls at once is still pretty overwhelming for he and I individually. It’s our issue though, not theirs, as we learn to split our attentions well enough to fulfill all three girls need for affection, attention, and positive reinforcement. I feel exhausted 99% of the time. I try to not let my frequent frustration show, but I am human and I fail. He is super dad and is continually patient and present with them.

4. While deep down I am not surprised, Sweet Girl is modeling all the twins behavior. They throw food on the floor, she wants to see what happens when she throws food on the floor. They want a book read, she wants a book read. She watches their behavior as a model on how to act in our family. Thankfully, the twins are surrounded by a village of people who have helped us model good behavior for them so they can now model good behavior for Sweet Girl… except for that throwing food thing 🙂

5. Sweet Girl has attached very quickly to he and I – moreso him. She comes to me and loves me and needs me, its when her Papa is at work, her little world breaks down. It is getting better as she realizes when Papa leaves he will always come back. Overall, when not at home, her anxiety about being forgotten, being left, or all of us not going home is palpable. The shocking degree to which she “needs” us has been slightly overwhelming, but we’re managing.

6. Eating is harder than I thought it would be. In Moscow, Sweet Girl was pretty picky about what she ate and that has continued at home. It is a little bit her controlling her completely uncontrollable surroundings and a little bit that she thinks we are crazy Americans for eating all this food out of boxes. We are learning her and she is rewarding us by trying and liking new things occasionally. She has no pressure with food. She can eat as much or as little of whatever she wants whenever she wants.

7. Sweet Girl loves going. As a way to avoid the insanity that comes from being inside all day every day, we try to go out for little trips every day. She loves to crawl into her carseat and get buckled. She loves going into stores and looking at all the stuff. In the grocery, she just wanted to touch all these things she’s only seen in pictures.

8. She is SMART. She prefers to teach us the Russian word than learn the English word, but she is learning new concepts so quickly. She can bead patterns, sort, color, trace and overall learns so fast. She tries to mimic words we say and already understands lots of basic things we tell her. We taught her A and C this week and now she can consistently say, find and write those letters. And I don’t even need to get into her expertise at what she’s now taken as HER iPhone and HER iPad.

9. She doesn’t like warm Krispy Kremes. I know it’s a travesty, we are working on it.

10. She has maintained lots of orphanage habits, but others she has dropped quickly. While she can dress herself, she prefers to let us dress her. She knows she is supposed to sit for meals but sometimes, her curiosity about the cat causes her to get up and investigate. She shares well and is tolerant of twins being in her room and riffling through her stuff. She is opinionated about what she wears. She is learning what happens when she doesn’t respond to “Nyet!”

I won’t lie. This is HARD. Adding another child to your home who already has so many life experiences is not roses and daisies. But God said to follow Him. He didn’t tell us it would be easy and not fraught with heartache, but He did tell us that the reward would be worth it. Seeing the light in her eyes the first time she saw fruit at the grocery store made every document we chased worth it.

 

So, here’s our first two weeks in PICTURES!

Journey Home (Trip 4, Day 7)

Posted on by
2
On Sunday, after our marathon sightseeing Saturday, we got up and had breakfast while we waited for Boris to come pick us up. We had a few logistical issues fitting the luggage in the car, but we finally got to the airport with plenty of time to spare. Through all this adoption travel, we made “status” on Delta and got to bypass the hour line to check in and went to the express desk. No issues checking in and no issues going through passport control. She is petrified and crying in this picture because she thought Mama and Papa were leaving and she was staying with Boris and Irina.
It took a few minutes for the KGB (okay, they aren’t KGB, but I don’t know what they call their passport people and KGB sounds fun  🙂 ) to approve all the paperwork. We were travelling with some medications for Sweet Girl and we had no issues on that end getting them through for others who might be in the same boat.
We sat at a little coffee shop and had our last meal in Sweet Girl’s home soil. She gobbled it right up. Good thing too because two cokes, a water and 2 apple danishes cost me $20.
We went on a last minute trip to the “toy-o-let”, looked at the planes out the window and then we were boarding!
So far so good!
Then the fun began. She didn’t mind the plane at all, but she was too overwhelmed to sleep. She knew that as soon as she said “toy-o-let” that we’d let her get up and walk to the bathroom. So about every 20 minutes she’d do this. Then about every hour after the first 3 hours, she’d get upset and start repeating something. One time, I took her to the back and tried to get her to say it for the flight attendant, but she just conned them into giving her a juice. (I have learned since then, she was saying something like “I want to get up”)
Overall, on the 9.5 hours flight, she drank an entire milk, 2 cans of orange juice, 2 cans of apple juice and an entire bottle of water. She ate the carrots in her salad and half of her bread. Then she ate tomatoes off a sandwich and the little snack size candy bar that came with it. And lastly, she ate an entire bag of trail mix. She refused to watch a movie, cartoons, the ipad, or anything that might give either He or I two seconds of peace. She constantly tried to stand up and kick the seat of the guy in front of her. All of her behaviors were normal 4 year old things or testing boundaries things. We were firm and consistent on some things (kicking the seat) but tried to be very relaxed on others (bathroom every 20 minutes). At about halfway He and I looked at each other and I think we were both thinking that we wouldn’t be taking another plane trip anytime soon.
FINALLY, we landed in JFK. The landing immediately made Sweet Girl a US Citizen. She celebrated by choosing that moment to lean over and fall asleep. Perhaps, somehow she knew – this long road is finally done, now I can enjoy the fruits of my labor 🙂

We went through US Customs and Immigration with no issues whatsoever, they didn’t even take us to a secondary screening! He just flipped through the pages of the sealed envelope and said, “Welcome to America, you’re done!” US security was no problem with the medications either and we were on our way!

We found a nice little corner spot to wait the 30 minutes for our next flight where Sweet Girl could look out the windows at the planes and run around a little bit. The minute we boarded that plane, she gave up very quickly again and went to sleep and didn’t wake up until we landed in RDU.

She was very impressed with Mama and Papa’s machina and her seat. She had no problems getting buckled. She stayed awake until we made a quick drive through stop (which she was facinated with!) and then fell asleep with her juicebox in her hands.

Once we got home, we made her a little pallet on the floor of our room and we all slept perfectly soundly…
.. until 3am when she was bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready for the day. ::YAWN::

 

Sightseeing!! (Trip 4, Day 6)

Posted on by
4
We woke this morning to the doorbell ringing at 9:30am. While excited that we all slept that late, we then realized we had miscommunication with Boris. He thought we were leaving today, but we are leaving tomorrow. Sorry Boris.
We had another slow start and left about noon to head down to St. Basil’s and the Kremlin. We stopped at a mall food court for lunch and sweet girl pointed that she wanted spaghetti and a meatball. She did pretty good eating! Once again though, she was most excited for our friend’s cherry crepe.
We went to St. Basil’s and took the obligatory adoption pictures. Our friend took some other pictures on her camera we don’t have yet.
 
  
Then we were off to the Kremlin!  We were excited to see the Cathedral of Assumption which is modeled after a Cathedral in Sweet Girl’s region.
 
Our friends split off and were going to the theater tonight and we headed back home with a stop at Wendy’s for dinner. No, we don’t normally eat fast food at every meal, but when we don’t want to sit for a long time and pay a lot for a meal, it’s easy to point at the menu and know what we are eating! We tried a baked potato and chili for Sweet Girl. Those got a nyet, but she was happy with the Frosty and some Cheddar Bunnies.
 

A long bath and sweet bed time cuddles and her day was done! She did fantastic today even though we skipped her nap time for St. Basil’s. He and I have spent the last couple hours trying to put the luggage puzzle back together. Boris should hopefully be here to get us at 9:30 am. Our flight leaves here at 1pm here time and we will hopefully be home before too late EST tomorrow! We are hoping for a nice calm week where we can settle in, learn our new normal and start making good memories!

 

We have won the kid lottery. This Sweet Child is the most precious thing in the world. She is so so smart and so precious. I already can’t picture my future without her. She is kind and generous. She is loving and thoughtful. She is stubborn and independent. Her untamable hair makes me smile every time I attempt to tame it. Our three girls are our light and we are so thankful and so blessed that God saw fit to allow us to parent them in this broken world.

Out and About! (Trip 4, Day 5)

Posted on by
2

We got a little late start to the morning since we all slept in a little bit! We had nothing on the schedule all day so we did a few tourist activities. We started at a little cafe so our friends could grab lunch. We ordered Sweet Girl a fresh squeezed apple juice. We got some sort of beef quesadilla thing. She drank her entire apple juice before the waiter even left the table, but she wanted nothing to do with our food! She did scarf down the left over pasta and salmon that our friend shared with her!

 
Then we saw some super cool tow trucks. They anchor to the ground and then have a boom that swivels and lifts the cars up. This car was parked in the middle of the sidewalk.
 
We took a quick trip down Old Arbat Street and then came back to the apartment to wait for this little beauty! Yay! Every bit of official business is done!!

We headed back out to Old Arbat (which is super close to our apartment) and went to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. The waiter asked Sweet Girl what she wanted to eat and read her the children’s menu. She picked a cheeseburger. We had tried this at McD’s, but thought maybe she just had picky burger tastes. It came and she ate a few french fries and her orange slices. She also ate our friends mashed potatoes. When we got back to the room she had cheerios and grapes to round it out.

We had an uneventful bedtime routine and then the adults stayed up way too late!

EMBASSY (Trip 4, Day 4)

Posted on by
5
Praise the Lord, Sweet Girl slept until after 7 this morning. She’ll fit right in at our house! We love our sleep! I’m still having a hard time sleeping between 1a and 4a so I told Him just one more minute for me. Before I knew it, it was 9am and Sweet Girl was jumping on the bed. It’s just like home. On the weekends, He gets up with the girls for me and I get another wink of sleep. It’s just so hard to get up in the morning! Boris came and picked us up at 10:30 for our 11:30 embassy appointment. There were lots more locals in the embassy for business purposes than I expected. We paid the fee and sat down in the little room and Irina told us we were 1st in line. “This is good thing,” she told us. Soon enough, another 5-6 adoptive families filed in and began to wait with us. Sweet Girl seemed to be the oldest and she was for sure the most well behaved. Lots of the little ones were tired and hungry and cranky, etc. After about 20 minutes of waiting, a lady came out and addressed us all. They said to save time, they would tell us all the general information together and then we’d be processed faster. She said her bit and then we waited for another couple of minutes. She called our name and we went up to her window and she asked us to confirm Sweet Girl’s name and birthday. In under a minute she said sit and wait while we process the Visa! It took about 5 minutes for the Visa to be pasted in and the packet for immigration prepared. We quickly picked up our packet and were out the door. When we got back into the car with Boris it was 12:15. We ran over to the consulate to register Sweet Girl’s passport. We waited in the car for Irina and when she got back in the car, she said, “Success!’ They will pick up and deliver the passport to us tomorrow around 4. After that we are free to leave! We are checking on flights to come home either Saturday or Sunday – whatever is cheaper.We had Boris drop us off at the market and we picked up a couple of things – some cheese and beer to welcome my friend Luella in with tonight!

Back at the apartment, we tried mac n cheese for lunch. It was a no go for Sweet Girl. She ended up with yogurt, grapes and another breakfast bar. She’s doing much better about drinking a little milk at each meal and then helping herself to her water cup throughout the day.  After lunch, she went down effortlessly for her nap. We did stay in the room with her and play on the computer while she slept.

When she got up about 4 we headed out for dinner. We thought we’d test her restaurant skills at McDonalds which was bound to be forgiving. She behaved great and loved the apple juice that came with her happy meal. She did not however have any interest in chicken nuggets or a cheeseburger. I think we did get 5-6 fries in her. We are hoping that tomorrow night we can try TGIFriday’s. We’re still a little too nervous to take her to a place we can’t read the menu.

In the tiny apartment elevator

 

It was sketch by American standards, but pretty good for here.
 
We came back and straightened up a little and had bath time. Sweet Girl likes to wash her own hair and must have done so 3-4 times!

Around 6:30 or 7 our friend Luella and her husband got here. Yay! About 30 minutes into us chatting I saw that sweet girl had just started crying. We aren’t sure yet what spooked her, but Lu and hubby went ahead and took off for dinner so we could get Sweet Girl settled for bed. I later realized that maybe the gift they brought her messed her up. So far, the only people to bring her a new outfit were He and I when we were leaving the orphanage. It’s possible her little mind raced to the possibility these people would try to take her away.

While they were gone, we went ahead and put her to bed and stayed in there with her for a long time until she fell asleep. She was back to normal by bed time.

We however stayed up and chatted for awhile. It was so nice to have people who spoke English as a first language to talk to!

Clothes and Toys Oh My! (Trip 4, Day 3)

Posted on by
5
We left off at about midnight last night when we finally got to sleep. We found a little mattress and lots of soft quilts to make a pallet on the floor next to our bed for Sweet Girl. She tried to drift off to sleep and then her eyes would pop open to make sure I was still next to her in the big bed. Finally, she gave up the good fight and went to sleep. He and I struggled to sleep well. Heat here is an interesting thing. During the winter, the radiators are just “on”. There is no controlling then. So, to get the right temperature, you have to open the window/s to let COLD air in to mix. But, we are on a very busy street and the sound of the traffic/police/horns is loud. Overall, we managed and Sweet Girl slept until 7:30 this morning.

We had a speedy morning of eating breakfast and getting ready to meet Boris at 8:30 for her appointment at a doctor for our US Visa. I couldn’t let another minute go by so even though it wasn’t the first bath of our dreams, I put Sweet Girl in the tub really fast to wash the orphanage off her. She had no problem getting in (a fear we had since often children aren’t given proper baths and instead endure cold water splashed over them) and splashing around. All too soon it was over and we were out the door. Before she went to sleep last night she went through her entire suitcase and looking at every article of clothing we brought for her. She ooh’d and ahh’d over everything except the pullups I brought in case of long car rides/plane rides. Those she called something that was probably “for babies” and then tossed aside. So this morning, I thought she’d be excited to pick her clothes, but the concept was too foreign and instead I picked and just asked her if it was okay.

Not a great picture, but here we are waiting for our medical.

 
The medical was interesting. First off, we drove for 20 minutes to get to somewhere that might have taken us 15 to walk to. Then, we were told that the doctor spoke English and was very good with adopted children. As soon as we went into the building, poor Sweet Girl knew it was a doctor and lost it. She had silent tears streaming down her face and was shaking. We filed into the doctor’s office and were the first ones there. We into his little exam room and stripped her very emotional little skinny self down to her underwear. The doctor seemed very kind and gentle with her but something just felt off about it. He told us that her crying was to get attention and to get sympathy from mama and papa and she would continue to be a drama queen for attention and we were to ignore these requests and not give in (no thanks buddy). Then he told us that her ears were no big deal and once she turned 8 we would just get them pinned. I don’t have a problem with her ears so it seemed very odd to have him mention something so obviously cosmetic without us asking. Before we knew it she was done. It took way longer to undress her and redress her than the entire “exam”. As soon as her clothes were back on and we left the room she calmed down.
We went straight back to the apartment, but by this time it was 11 am. We hung out for a bit and little miss made herself very at home in this little home away from home.

The ipad watching above lasted about 4 minutes, then she carried the headphones and ipad around and pushed the buttons. I think everything new was too overwhelming for her to concentrate.

About this time, we headed out to find a market. We ended up at the one Boris pointed out to us. It was very 5th Avenue ish. It’s the bottom floor of a very fancy department store. We were seriously the only customers and on the end of every section there was an employee there watching us. We let Sweet Girl look around a lot. She has never seen a market and never knew that’s where food came from. We let her assert choices and pick out the fruit we wanted. Since we knew we’d have to carry everything back, we didn’t get much.

We got back and had lunch (chicken noodle soup, yogurt, and grapes). She ate everything but the soup. Then around 1:30 we took a family nap. Sweet Girl went down effortlessly, but I’m not sure if she gave in to sleep before I did or not! We spent the whole afternoon playing in the apartment. Sweet Girl has been talking to us nonstop, but I think we’re finally getting a rhythm. Up until bedtime, she was doing FABULOUS. Beyond better than we could have hoped. Everything is new and she’s just soaking up the experience and the attention. Even something like being able to take a drink of water when you want is new to her. Her favorite activity is turning all the lights off and looking out the window to the city lights. We try to turn one back on and we are immediately corrected that it’s not allowed!

For dinner, we had a pizza that we found at the market. It was pretty good but Sweet Girl wanted nothing to do with it. Then, I made her oatmeal. I bribed her into taking one bite, but she was not a fan. Then I tried these little cheese things I got at the market. She wasn’t interested in that either. I took a bite to show her it was safe and realized I just took a bite of cream cheese. No wonder she looked at me like I was crazy when I put it on her plate! She ended up with a kids cereal bar, an apple, and some milk for dinner. We are struggling to get enough fluids into her. She will drink a juice box all day long, but when any liquid is in a cup, she has a couple sips and then leaves it. Her little system isn’t used to so much juice and it’s causing interesting bathroom time.

Speaking of bathroom time, for all the other adoptive families out there…. She is not scared of the big potty at all. Sometimes we ask if she has to go and sometimes she goes in there on her own. She crawls up there all on her own. If it’s pee, she doesn’t wipe and just hops down. If it’s the other, she waits for me to hand her toilet paper and then wipes on her own. I’ve been wiping after her to make sure she’s good too. She’s not strong enough to push the flush button so we can always tell if she’s gone 🙂 There are two bathrooms in here and either she doesn’t know she can use both or she’s has designated one hers.

Then we got to bedtime. We were unable to get any sort of a schedule of her day so we have guessed that her bedtime is 7:30 or 8. Tonight about 7:15 she started to get a little more hyper and distracted. I took this as a sign she was tired. We did jammies and brushed teeth (she needs a little help, but understands the concept and the spit at the end) and I put her on her little pallet, said some prayers and left her. About 5 minutes later, I opened the door to check on her and sweet little thing was silently crying her eyes out. I’m not sure if she was scared of the dark or scared we weren’t there or what, but I laid down on the bed next to her and rubbed her back for a long time. Then I moved to our bed and watched her watching me. Again, I’m not sure who fought the longest, but before I knew it it was 11pm. Oops. Since my nap has kept me up, I’m out in the living room blogging and two of the four loves of my life are sleeping in the other room.

Tomorrow we have an appointment at the embassy in the morning and then we are going to try to register her passport right after. If we can get her passport registered tomorrow, we might be on track to come home a little earlier. Lu comes in tomorrow as well. I’m sure they are going to be exhausted, but I hope they recover quickly and want to do some sightseeing Friday afternoon!

FAMILY DAY!! (Trip 4, day 2)

Posted on by
8
How do you describe the day that your child gives up a life of being an orphan and becomes part of your family?I have loved her from the first moment I saw her picture. She wasn’t smiling and wasn’t making eye contact with the photographer. She looked lost, scared. Today I know this expression of hers. It is her “I am overwhelmed” face. She gets the blank stare and doesn’t make eye contact when she doesn’t know what else to do.. when she is overwhelmed by the situation and doesn’t know how to respond. It is a face that breaks my heart.This overwhelmed face is different from her uncomfortable face. She has lived a life of being alone, caregivers and friends coming and going. When you attempt to show her love and affection she doesn’t know what to do. It is awkward for her. The feelings she has are foreign to her and she doesn’t know how to process that mama and papa want to love her. The simple act of giving her a hug causes her to shriek and squirm. An observer might think she is being 4, but I know that she’s uncomfortable with the contact, with someone else initiating touch. She will run up to us and climb on us and sit on our laps all day long, but in those instances SHE, not US initiates the contact and can leave it when she’s had enough. If you try to hold her she gets uncomfortable and displays behaviors that are meant to get away.Both the overwhelmed and uncomfortable actions are what he and I are trying to help her process. She has to learn that we are safe people, that we will meet all her needs, that we will love her even when she messes up. The first step in that is one of the happiest days of our life and the most terrifying of hers. It is called Gotcha Day in the adoption circles. It’s the day we get her and take her away from her life as an orphan. The day we claim her in front of the world as our daughter. She has been ours since the judge said da on 8/31, but today almost 7 weeks later, we get to prove it.

We started the day at 9:40am and went straight to the orphanage. Vita told me to bring Sweet Girl’s clothes and coat.  Once there, He, Vita and the director went out for some business. I was to stay and play with Sweet Girl and change her into her new clothes. She was very unhappy that I wanted to put new clothes on her, but we managed. She looked absolutely adorable!

While changing her, I noticed the cold hard truth that the numbers only eluded to. Our sweet precious girl is the height of an average 4 year old but weighs only 30#. She is very very skinny and her bones protrude from her back, knees and elbows. It’s not purposeful malnutrition, it’s a sweet orphanage director only having limited resources and lots of children to feed. She does so so much with what she has. She has done a fabulous job advocating for these children and exposing them to many different things, but no matter how fabulous it is, it’s still an orphanage. It’s still a building where little children go to bed hungry because there just isn’t enough to go around.

We sat and played while we waited for the gang to get back from their errands. They returned pretty quickly and said that they were only halfway successful. We had to decide whether we would go to the other part of the region 1.5 hours away to finish some business or not. The business was optional, but I have fought in this region for what it represented. I was afraid to decline the invitation to go, lest it negatively affect the families after me. He and gang went back out to pick up the passport and go to the adoption center and left Sweet Girl and I to play again. They arrived back at about 1:00 and we left Sweet Girl at the orphanage to rest. Our trip was supposed to take about 3 hours. This would put us back and leaving the orphanage around 5 to make it to the capital around 8.

Of course as it always goes in this country, someone at the orphanage saw we had a driver and asked for a ride somewhere first. By the time we got out of town it was 1:30. We are booking it along rally car style (this is the same town he went to on trip 3 that he had to race to and from) and the GPS shows we are 30 minutes away and then it happens. We had slowed down to go through a little “settlement” but still took a bump too fast. We came down and “pop”, the tire blew. Ilya had it changed and us back on the road within 15 minutes. The whole time I’m doing math in my head about what time the subsequent events would happen. We took care of our business and got back on the road. It was 4:00. We hit town at 5:30 and still had to go to the notary, the adoption center, pick up our luggage from the hotel, stop and buy a gift for the orphanage director who had stayed late to wait for us (ironic that we made her stay later by stopping to buy her a gift) and then finally, at 6:30, we got to the orphanage. It was the night crew for sure, but Sweet Girl sat in her clothes and coat and looked very scared waiting for us. We collected her and the director (remember, we had a driver!) and took the orphanage director home. The entire time, Sweet Girl did extremely well. She for sure had her overwhelmed face on, but she was hanging in there. To add to the stops, Ilya decided he wanted to stop and grab another spare tire just in case. Good idea, but by the time we got on the road for the capital it was 7:30. Sweet Girl slept most of the ride thank goodness.

We got to our apartment in the capital about 10:30 and by the time we were up and settled it was close to 11:30. We had one small breakdown when Vita said goodbye and we walked into the apartment alone. I think it was a combination of fear, darkness, tiredness and the emotions of the day all coming together. Since then, Sweet Girl has been doing AMAZING. She just talks and talks and talks to us and acts like this is no big thing.

So.. now, here’s the pics! We are dying for lunch, but I know so many of you are dying for this post, so forgive the lack of captions right now!